WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE NOTABLE ADVENTURE OF THE DISTRESSED DUENNA
The duke and duchess were extremely glad to see how readily Don
Quixote fell in with their scheme; but at this moment Sancho observed,
"I hope this senora duenna won't be putting any difficulties in the
way of the promise of my government; for I have heard a Toledo
apothecary, who talked like a goldfinch, say that where duennas were
mixed up nothing good could happen. God bless me, how he hated them,
that same apothecary! And so what I'm thinking is, if all duennas,
of whatever sort or condition they may be, are plagues and busybodies,
what must they be that are distressed, like this Countess Three-skirts
or Three-tails!- for in my country skirts or tails, tails or skirts,
it's all one."
"Hush, friend Sancho," said Don Quixote; "since this lady duenna
comes in quest of me from such a distant land she cannot be one of
those the apothecary meant; moreover this is a countess, and when
countesses serve as duennas it is in the service of queens and
empresses, for in their own houses they are mistresses paramount and
have other duennas to wait on them."
To this Dona Rodriguez, who was present, made answer, "My lady the
duchess has duennas in her service that might be countesses if it
was the will of fortune; 'but laws go as kings like;' let nobody speak
ill of duennas, above all of ancient maiden ones; for though I am
not one myself, I know and am aware of the advantage a maiden duenna
has over one that is a widow; but 'he who clipped us has kept the
"For all that," said Sancho, "there's so much to be clipped about
duennas, so my barber said, that 'it will be better not to stir the
rice even though it sticks.'"
"These squires," returned Dona Rodriguez, "are always our enemies;
and as they are the haunting spirits of the antechambers and watch
us at every step, whenever they are not saying their prayers (and
that's often enough) they spend their time in tattling about us,
digging up our bones and burying our good name. But I can tell these
walking blocks that we will live in spite of them, and in great houses
too, though we die of hunger and cover our flesh, be it delicate or
not, with widow's weeds, as one covers or hides a dunghill on a
procession day. By my faith, if it were permitted me and time allowed,
I could prove, not only to those here present, but to all the world,
that there is no virtue that is not to be found in a duenna."
"I have no doubt," said the duchess, "that my good Dona Rodriguez is
right, and very much so; but she had better bide her time for fighting
her own battle and that of the rest of the duennas, so as to crush the
calumny of that vile apothecary, and root out the prejudice in the
great Sancho Panza's mind."
To which Sancho replied, "Ever since I have sniffed the governorship
I have got rid of the humours of a squire, and I don't care a wild fig
for all the duennas in the world."
They would have carried on this duenna dispute further had they
not heard the notes of the fife and drums once more, from which they
concluded that the Distressed Duenna was making her entrance. The
duchess asked the duke if it would be proper to go out to receive her,
as she was a countess and a person of rank.
"In respect of her being a countess," said Sancho, before the duke
could reply, "I am for your highnesses going out to receive her; but
in respect of her being a duenna, it is my opinion you should not stir
"Who bade thee meddle in this, Sancho?" said Don Quixote.
"Who, senor?" said Sancho; "I meddle for I have a right to meddle,
as a squire who has learned the rules of courtesy in the school of
your worship, the most courteous and best-bred knight in the whole
world of courtliness; and in these things, as I have heard your
worship say, as much is lost by a card too many as by a card too
few, and to one who has his ears open, few words."
"Sancho is right," said the duke; "we'll see what the countess is
like, and by that measure the courtesy that is due to her."
And now the drums and fife made their entrance as before; and here
the author brought this short chapter to an end and began the next,
following up the same adventure, which is one of the most notable in