28. THE RETURN
D'Artagnan was astounded by the terrible confidence of Athos; yet
many things appeared very obscure to him in this half revelation.
In the first place it had been made by a man quite drunk to one
who was half drunk; and yet, in spite of the incertainty which
the vapor of three or four bottles of Burgundy carries with it to
the brain, d'Artagnan, when awaking on the following morning, had
all the words of Athos as present to his memory as if they then
fell from his mouth--they had been so impressed upon his mind.
All this doubt only gave rise to a more lively desire of arriving
at a certainty, and he went into his friend's chamber with a
fixed determination of renewing the conversation of the preceding
evening; but he found Athos quite himself again--that is to say,
the most shrewd and impenetrable of men. Besides which, the
Musketeer, after having exchanged a hearty shake of the hand with
him, broached the matter first.
"I was pretty drunk yesterday, d'Artagnan," said he, "I can tell
that by my tongue, which was swollen and hot this morning, and by
my pulse, which was very tremulous. I wager that I uttered a
While saying this he looked at his friend with an earnestness
that embarrassed him.
"No," replied d'Artagnan, "if I recollect well what you said, it
was nothing out of the common way."
"Ah, you surprise me. I thought I had told you a most lamentable
story." And he looked at the young man as if he would read the
bottom of his heart.
"My faith," said d'Artagnan, "it appears that I was more drunk
than you, since I remember nothing of the kind."
Athos did not trust this reply, and he resumed; "you cannot have
failed to remark, my dear friend, that everyone has his
particular kind of drunkenness, sad or gay. My drunkenness is
always sad, and when I am thoroughly drunk my mania is to relate
all the lugubrious stories which my foolish nurse inculcated into
my brain. That is my failing--a capital failing, I admit; but
with that exception, I am a good drinker."
Athos spoke this in so natural a manner that d'Artagnan was
shaken in his conviction.
"It is that, then," replied the young man, anxious to find out
the truth, "it is that, then, I remember as we remember a dream.
We were speaking of hanging."
"Ah, you see how it is," said Athos, becoming still paler, but
yet attempting to laugh; "I was sure it was so--the hanging of
people is my nightmare."
"Yes, yes," replied d'Artagnan. "I remember now; yes, it was
about--stop a minute--yes, it was about a woman."
"That's it," replied Athos, becoming almost livid; "that is my
grand story of the fair lady, and when I relate that, I must be
"Yes, that was it," said d'Artagnan, "the story of a tall, fair
lady, with blue eyes."
"Yes, who was hanged."
"By her husband, who was a nobleman of your acquaintance,"
continued d'Artagnan, looking intently at Athos.
"Well, you see how a man may compromise himself when he does not
know what he says," replied Athos, shrugging his shoulders as if
he thought himself an object of pity. "I certainly never will
get drunk again, d'Artagnan; it is too bad a habit."
D'Artagnan remained silent; and then changing the conversation
all at once, Athos said:
"By the by, I thank you for the horse you have brought me."
"Is it to your mind?" asked d'Artagnan.
"Yes; but it is not a horse for hard work."
"You are mistaken; I rode him nearly ten leagues in less than an
hour and a half, and he appeared no more distressed than if he
had only made the tour of the Place St. Sulpice."
"Ah, you begin to awaken my regret."
"Yes; I have parted with him."
"Why, here is the simple fact. This morning I awoke at six
o'clock. You were still fast asleep, and I did not know what to
do with myself; I was still stupid from our yesterday's debauch.
As I came into the public room, I saw one of our Englishman
bargaining with a dealer for a horse, his own having died
yesterday from bleeding. I drew near, and found he was bidding a
hundred pistoles for a chestnut nag. 'PARDIEU,' said I, 'my good
gentleman, I have a horse to sell, too.' 'Ay, and a very fine
one! I saw him yesterday; your friend's lackey was leading him.'
'Do you think he is worth a hundred pistoles?' 'Yes! Will you
sell him to me for that sum?' 'No; but I will play for him.'
'What?' 'At dice.' No sooner said than done, and I lost the
horse. Ah, ah! But please to observe I won back the equipage,'
D'Artagnan looked much disconcerted.
"This vexes you?" said Athos.
"Well, I must confess it does," replied d'Artagnan. "That horse
was to have identified us in the day of battle. It was a pledge,
a remembrance. Athos, you have done wrong."
"But, my dear friend, put yourself in my place," replied the
Musketeer. "I was hipped to death; and still further, upon my
honor, I don't like English horses. If it is only to be
recognized, why the saddle will suffice for that; it is quite
remarkable enough. As to the horse, we can easily find some
excuse for its disappearance. Why the devil! A horse is mortal;
suppose mine had had the glanders or the farcy?"
D'Artagnan did not smile.
"It vexes me greatly," continued Athos, "that you attach so much
importance to these animals, for I am not yet at the end of my
"What else have you done."
"After having lost my own horse, nine against ten--see how near--
I formed an idea of staking yours."
"Yes; but you stopped at the idea, I hope?"
"No; for I put it in execution that very minute."
"And the consequence?" said d'Artagnan, in great anxiety.
"I threw, and I lost."
"What, my horse?"
"Your horse, seven against eight; a point short--you know the
"Athos, you are not in your right senses, I swear."
"My dear lad, that was yesterday, when I was telling you silly
stories, it was proper to tell me that, and not this morning. I
lost him then, with all his appointments and furniture."
"Really, this is frightful."
"Stop a minute; you don't know all yet. I should make an
excellent gambler if I were not too hot-headed; but I was hot-
headed, just as if I had been drinking. Well, I was not hot-
"Well, but what else could you play for? You had nothing left?"
'Oh, yes, my friend; there was still that diamond left which
sparkles on your finger, and which I had observed yesterday."
"This diamond!" said d'Artagnan, placing his hand eagerly on his
"And as I am a connoisseur in such things, having had a few of my
own once, I estimated it at a thousand pistoles."
"I hope," said d'Artagnan, half dead with fright, "you made no
mention of my diamond?"
"On the contrary, my dear friend, this diamond became our only
resource; with it I might regain our horses and their harnesses,
and even money to pay our expenses on the road."
"Athos, you make me tremble!" cried d'Artagnan.
"I mentioned your diamond then to my adversary, who had likewise
remarked it. What the devil, my dear, do you think you can wear
a star from heaven on your finger, and nobody observe it?
"Go on, go on, my dear fellow!" said d'Artagnan; "for upon my
honor, you will kill me with your indifference."
"We divided, then, this diamond into ten parts of a hundred
"You are laughing at me, and want to try me!" said d'Artagnan,
whom anger began to take by the hair, as Minerva takes Achilles,
in the ILLIAD.
"No, I do not jest, MORDIEU! I should like to have seen you in
my place! I had been fifteen days without seeing a human face,
and had been left to brutalize myself in the company of bottles."
"That was no reason for staking my diamond!" replied d'Artagnan,
closing his hand with a nervous spasm.
"Hear the end. Ten parts of a hundred pistoles each, in ten
throws, without revenge; in thirteen throws I had lost all--in
thirteen throws. The number thirteen was always fatal to me; it
was on the thirteenth of July that--"
"VENTREBLEU!" cried d'Artagnan, rising from the table, the story
of the present day making him forget that of the preceding one.
"Patience!" said Athos; "I had a plan. The Englishman was an
original; I had seen him conversing that morning with Grimaud,
and Grimaud had told me that he had made him proposals to enter
into his service. I staked Grimaud, the silent Grimaud, divided
into ten portions."
"Well, what next?" said d'Artagnan, laughing in spite of himself.
"Grimaud himself, understand; and with the ten parts of Grimaud,
which are not worth a ducatoon, I regained the diamond. Tell me,
now, if persistence is not a virtue?"
"My faith! But this is droll," cried d'Artagnan, consoled, and
holding his sides with laughter.
"You may guess, finding the luck turned, that I again staked the
"The devil!" said d'Artagnan, becoming angry again.
"I won back your harness, then your horse, then my harness, then
my horse, and then I lost again. In brief, I regained your
harness and then mine. That's where we are. That was a superb
throw, so I left off there."
D'Artagnan breathed as if the whole hostelry had been removed
from his breast.
"Then the diamond is safe?" said he, timidly.
"Intact, my dear friend; besides the harness of your Bucephalus
"But what is the use of harnesses without horses?"
"I have an idea about them."
"Athos, you make me shudder."
"Listen to me. You have not played for a long time, d'Artagnan."
"And I have no inclination to play."
"Swear to nothing. You have not played for a long time, I said;
you ought, then, to have a good hand."
"Well, what then?"
"Well; the Englishman and his companion are still here. I
remarked that he regretted the horse furniture very much. You
appear to think much of your horse. In your place I would stake
the furniture against the horse."
"But he will not wish for only one harness."
"Stake both, PARDIEU! I am not selfish, as you are."
"You would do so?" said d'Artagnan, undecided, so strongly did
the confidence of Athos begin to prevail, in spite of himself.
"On my honor, in one single throw."
"But having lost the horses, I am particularly anxious to
preserve the harnesses."
"Stake your diamond, then."
"This? That's another matter. Never, never!"
"The devil!" said Athos. "I would propose to you to stake
Planchet, but as that has already been done, the Englishman would
not, perhaps, be willing."
"Decidedly, my dear Athos," said d'Artagnan, "I should like
better not to risk anything."
"That's a pity," said Athos, cooly. "The Englishman is
overflowing with pistoles. Good Lord, try one throw! One throw
is soon made!"
"And if I lose?"
"You will win."
"But if I lose?"
"Well, you will surrender the harnesses."
"Have with you for one throw!" said d'Artagnan.
Athos went in quest of the Englishman, whom he found in the
stable, examining the harnesses with a greedy eye. The
opportunity was good. He proposed the conditions--the two
harnesses, either against one horse or a hundred pistoles. The
Englishman calculated fast; the two harnesses were worth three
hundred pistoles. He consented.
D'Artagnan threw the dice with a trembling hand, and turned up
the number three; his paleness terrified Athos, who, however,
consented himself with saying, "That's a sad throw, comrade; you
will have the horses fully equipped, monsieur."
The Englishman, quite triumphant, did not even give himself the
trouble to shake the dice. He threw them on the table without
looking at them, so sure was he of victory; d'Artagnan turned
aside to conceal his ill humor.
"Hold, hold, hold!" said Athos, wit his quiet tone; "that throw
of the dice is extraordinary. I have not seen such a one four
times in my life. Two aces!"
The Englishman looked, and was seized with astonishment.
d'Artagnan looked, and was seized with pleasure.
"Yes," continued Athos, "four times only; once at the house of
Monsieur Crequy; another time at my own house in the country, in
my chateau at--when I had a chateau; a third time at Monsieur de
Treville's where it surprised us all; and the fourth time at a
cabaret, where it fell to my lot, and where I lost a hundred
louis and a supper on it."
"Then Monsieur takes his horse back again," said the Englishman.
"Certainly," said d'Artagnan.
"Then there is no revenge?"
"Our conditions said, 'No revenge,' you will please to
"That is true; the horse shall be restored to your lackey,
"A moment," said Athos; "with your permission, monsieur, I wish
to speak a word with my friend."
Athos drew d'Artagnan aside.
"Well, Tempter, what more do you want with me?" said d'Artagnan.
"You want me to throw again, do you not?"
"No, I would wish you to reflect."
"You mean to take your horse?"
"You are wrong, then. I would take the hundred pistoles. You
know you have staked the harnesses against the horse or a hundred
pistoles, at your choice."
"Well, then, I repeat, you are wrong. What is the use of one
horse for us two? I could not ride behind. We should look like
the two sons of Anmon, who had lost their brother. You cannot
think of humiliating me by prancing along by my side on that
magnificent charger. For my part, I should not hesitate a
moment; I should take the hundred pistoles. We want money for
our return to Paris."
"I am much attached to that horse, Athos."
"And there again you are wrong. A horse slips and injures a
joint; a horse stumbles and breaks his knees to the bone; a horse
eats out of a manger in which a glandered horse has eaten. There
is a horse, while on the contrary, the hundred pistoles feed
"But how shall we get back?"
"Upon our lackey's horses, PARDIEU. Anybody may see by our
bearing that we are people of condition."
"Pretty figures we shall cut on ponies while Aramis and Porthos
caracole on their steeds."
"Aramis! Porthos!" cried Athos, and laughed aloud.
"What is it?" asked d'Artagnan, who did not at all comprehend the
hilarity of his friend.
"Nothing, nothing! Go on!"
"Your advice, then?"
"To take the hundred pistoles, d'Artagnan. With the hundred
pistoles we can live well to the end of the month. We have
undergone a great deal of fatigue, remember, and a little rest
will do no harm."
"I rest? Oh, no, Athos. Once in Paris, I shall prosecute my
search for that unfortunate woman!"
"Well, you may be assured that your horse will not be half so
serviceable to you for that purpose as good golden louis. Take
the hundred pistoles, my friend; take the hundred pistoles!"
D'Artagnan only required one reason to be satisfied. This last
reason appeared convincing. Besides, he feared that by resisting
longer he should appear selfish in the eyes of Athos. He
acquiesced, therefore, and chose the hundred pistoles, which the
Englishman paid down on the spot.
They then determined to depart. Peace with the landlord, in
addition to Athos's old horse, cost six pistoles. D'Artagnan and
Athos took the nags of Planchet and Grimaud, and the two lackeys
started on foot, carrying the saddles on their heads.
However ill our two friends were mounted, they were soon far in
advance of their servants, and arrived at Creveccoeur. From a
distance they perceived Aramis, seated in a melancholy manner at
his window, looking out, like Sister Anne, at the dust in the
"HOLA, Aramis! What the devil are you doing there?" cried the
"Ah, is that you, d'Artagnan, and you, Athos?" said the young
man. "I was reflecting upon the rapidity with which the
blessings of this world leave us. My English horse, which has
just disappeared amid a cloud of dust, has furnished me with a
living image of the fragility of the things of the earth. Life
itself may be resolved into three words: ERAT, EST, FUIT."
"Which means--" said d'Artagnan, who began to suspect the truth.
"Which means that I have just been duped-sixty louis for a horse
which by the manner of his gait can do at least five leagues an
D'Artagnan and Athos laughed aloud.
"My dear d'Artagnan," said Aramis, "don't be too angry with me, I
beg. Necessity has no law; besides, I am the person punished, as
that rascally horsedealer has robbed me of fifty louis, at least.
Ah, you fellows are good managers! You ride on our lackey's
horses, and have your own gallant steeds led along carefully by
hand, at short stages."
At the same instant a market cart, which some minutes before had
appeared upon the Amiens road, pulled up at the inn, and Planchet
and Grimaud came out of it with the saddles on their heads. The
cart was returning empty to Paris, and the two lackeys had
agreed, for their transport, to slake the wagoner's thirst along
"What is this?" said Aramis, on seeing them arrive. "Nothing but
"Now do you understand?" said Athos.
"My friends, that's exactly like me! I retained my harness by
instinct. HOLA, Bazin! Bring my new saddle and carry it along
with those of these gentlemen."
"And what have you done with your ecclesiastics?" asked
"My dear fellow, I invited them to a dinner the next day,"
replied Aramis. "They have some capital wine here--please to
observe that in passing. I did my best to make them drunk. Then
the curate forbade me to quit my uniform, and the Jesuit
entreated me to get him made a Musketeer."
"Without a thesis?" cried d'Artagnan, "without a thesis? I
demand the suppression of the thesis."
"Since then," continued Aramis, "I have lived very agreeably. I
have begun a poem in verses of one syllable. That is rather
difficult, but the merit in all things consists in the
difficulty. The matter is gallant. I will read you the first
canto. It has four hundred lines, and lasts a minute."
"My faith, my dear Aramis," said d'Artagnan, who detested verses
almost as much as he did Latin, "add to the merit of the
difficulty that of the brevity, and you are sure that your poem
will at least have two merits."
"You will see," continued Aramis, "that it breathes
irreproachable passion. And so, my friends, we return to Paris?
Bravo! I am ready. We are going to rejoin that good fellow,
Porthos. So much the better. You can't think how I have missed
him, the great simpleton. To see him so self-satisfied
reconciles me with myself. He would not sell his horse; not for
a kingdom! I think I can see him now, mounted upon his superb
animal and seated in his handsome saddle. I am sure he will look
like the Great Mogul!"
They made a halt for an hour to refresh their horses. Aramis
discharged his bill, placed Bazin in the cart with his comrades,
and they set forward to join Porthos.
They found him up, less pale than when d'Artagnan left him after
his first visit, and seated at a table on which, though he was
alone, was spread enough for four persons. This dinner consisted
of meats nicely dressed, choice wines, and superb fruit.
"Ah, PARDIEU!" said he, rising, "you come in the nick of time,
gentlemen. I was just beginning the soup, and you will dine with
"Oh, oh!" said d'Artagnan, "Mousqueton has not caught these
bottles with his lasso. Besides, here is a piquant FRICANDEAU
and a fillet of beef."
"I am recruiting myself," said Porthos, "I am recruiting myself.
Nothing weakens a man more than these devilish strains. Did you
ever suffer from a strain, Athos?"
"Never! Though I remember, in our affair of the Rue Ferou, I
received a sword wound which at the end of fifteen or eighteen
days produced the same effect."
"But this dinner was not intended for you alone, Porthos?" said
"No," said Porthos, "I expected some gentlemen of the
neighborhood, who have just sent me word they could not come.
You will take their places and I shall not lose by the exchange.
HOLA, Mousqueton, seats, and order double the bottles!"
"Do you know what we are eating here?" said Athos, at the end of
"PARDIEU!" replied d'Artagnan, "for my part, I am eating veal
garnished with shrimps and vegetables."
"And I some lamb chops," said Porthos.
"And I a plain chicken," said Aramis.
"You are all mistaken, gentlemen," answered Athos, gravely; "you
are eating horse."
"Eating what?" said d'Artagnan.
"Horse!" said Aramis, with a grimace of disgust.
Porthos alone made no reply.
"Yes, horse. Are we not eating a horse, Porthos? And perhaps
his saddle, therewith."
"No, gentlemen, I have kept the harness," said Porthos.
"My faith," said Aramis, "we are all alike. One would think we
had tipped the wink."
"What could I do?" said Porthos. "This horse made my visitors
ashamed of theirs, and I don't like to humiliate people."
"Then your duchess is still at the waters?" asked d'Artagnan.
"Still," replied Porthos. "And, my faith, the governor of the
province--one of the gentlemen I expected today--seemed to have
such a wish for him, that I gave him to him."
"Gave him?" cried d'Artagnan.
"My God, yes, GAVE, that is the word," said Porthos; "for the
animal was worth at least a hundred and fifty louis, and the
stingy fellow would only give me eighty."
"Without the saddle?" said Aramis.
"Yes, without the saddle."
"You will observe, gentlemen," said Athos, "that Porthos has made
the best bargain of any of us."
And then commenced a roar of laughter in which they all joined,
to the astonishment of poor Porthos; but when he was informed of
the cause of their hilarity, he shared it vociferously according
to his custom.
"There is one comfort, we are all in cash," said d'Artagnan.
"Well, for my part," said Athos, "I found Aramis's Spanish wine
so good that I sent on a hamper of sixty bottles of it in the
wagon with the lackeys. That has weakened my purse."
"And I," said Aramis, "imagined that I had given almost my last
sou to the church of Montdidier and the Jesuits of Amiens, with
whom I had made engagements which I ought to have kept. I have
ordered Masses for myself, and for you, gentlemen, which will be
said, gentlemen, for which I have not the least doubt you will be
"And I," said Porthos, "do you think my strain cost me nothing?--
without reckoning Mousqueton's wound, for which I had to have the
surgeon twice a day, and who charged me double on account of that
foolish Mousqueton having allowed himself a ball in a part which
people generally only show to an apothecary; so I advised him to
try never to get wounded there any more."
"Ay, ay!" said Athos, exchanging a smile with d'Artagnan and
Aramis, "it is very clear you acted nobly with regard to the poor
lad; that is like a good master."
"In short," said Porthos, "when all my expenses are paid, I shall
have, at most, thirty crowns left."
"And I about ten pistoles," said Aramis.
"Well, then it appears that we are the Croesuses of the society.
How much have you left of your hundred pistoles, d'Artagnan.?"
"Of my hundred pistoles? Why, in the first place I gave you
"You think so?"
"Ah, that is true. I recollect."
"Then I paid the host six."
"What a brute of a host! Why did you give him six pistoles?"
"You told me to give them to him."
"It is true; I am too good-natured. In brief, how much remains?"
"Twenty-five pistoles," said d'Artagnan.
"And I," said Athos, taking some small change from his pocket,
"My faith! So little that it is not worth reckoning with the
"Now, then, let us calculate how much we posses in all."
"And you, d'Artagnan?"
"That makes in all?" said Athos.
"Four hundred and seventy-five livres," said d'Artagnan, who
reckoned like Archimedes.
"On our arrival in Paris, we shall still have four hundred,
besides the harnesses," said Porthos.
"But our troop horses?" said Aramis.
"Well, of the four horses of our lackeys we will make two for the
masters, for which we will draw lots. With the four hundred
livres we will make the half of one for one of the unmounted, and
then we will give the turnings out of our pockets to d'Artagnan,
who has a steady hand, and will go and play in the first gaming
house we come to. There!"
"Let us dine, then," said Porthos; "it is getting cold."
The friends, at ease with regard to the future, did honor to the
repast, the remains of which were abandoned to Mousqueton, Bazin,
Planchet, and Grimaud.
On arriving in Paris, d'Artagnan found a letter from M. de
Treville, which informed him that, at his request, the king had
promised that he should enter the company of the Musketeers.
As this was the height of d'Artagnan's worldly ambition--apart,
be it well understood, from his desire of finding Mme.
Bonacieux--he ran, full of joy, to seek his comrades, whom he had
left only half an hour before, but whom he found very sad and
deeply preoccupied. They were assembled in council at the
residence of Athos, which always indicated an event of some
gravity. M. de Treville had intimated to them his Majesty's
fixed intention to open the campaign on the first of May, and
they must immediately prepare their outfits.
The four philosophers looked at one another in a state of
bewilderment. M. de Treville never jested in matters relating to
"And what do you reckon your outfit will cost?" said d'Artagnan.
"Oh, we can scarcely say. We have made our calculations with
Spartan economy, and we each require fifteen hundred livres."
"Four times fifteen makes sixty--six thousand livres," said
"It seems to me," said d'Artagnan, "with a thousand livres each--
I do not speak as a Spartan, but as a procurator--"
This word PROCURATOR roused Porthos. "Stop," said he, "I have an
"Well, that's something, for I have not the shadow of one," said
Athos cooly; "but as to d'Artagnan, gentlemen, the idea of
belonging to OURS has driven him out of his senses. A thousand
livres! For my part, I declare I want two thousand."
"Four times two makes eight," then said Aramis; "it is eight
thousand that we want to complete our outfits, toward which, it
is true, we have already the saddles."
"Besides," said Athos, waiting till d'Artagnan, who went to thank
Monsieur de Treville, had shut the door, "besides, there is that
beautiful ring which beams from the finger of our friend. What
the devil! D'Artagnan is too good a comrade to leave his
brothers in embarrassment while he wears the ransom of a king on